Because we all want to write more poems.
Sleep Cycle II - Friday Night
The moon strolls by your house
With no one watching.
A possum tries to get in
Or out of your crawlspace
On tiptoe so he won't disturb us.
You are asleep like a child,
I am snoring like an old man.
In the morning the paperboy will
Wake me with his pitcher's arm.
You will wait until the coffee is made.
On Saturdays I rise for you.
- Neil McKay's Shared Poems
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Comments
Clayton Medeiros
November 20, 2012
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Sleep Cycle
I like the sensibility. I would be tempted in line 7 to make it "I snore like an old man." The moon and possum images are wonderfully whimsical and visual. They could be from a children's book.
Neil McKay
November 20, 2012
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I have to think on that. The
I have to think on that. The line as it stands seems pretty pedestrian. Maybe "Do I snore like an old man?" I do so like putting questions in my poems.
Neil McKay
November 20, 2012
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At this point I'm thinking it
At this point I'm thinking it should be:
You are asleep like a child,
Me, snoring like my father.