Because we all want to write more poems.
STARLIGHT FALLEN
The bitter cold
And the things lost
The time dribbled through fingers that
Dream of tomorrow
Instead of clasping now
To the bone and the muscle
And the left eye
The one that sees poetry
Out in the bitter cold
To get the morning paper
The sun crouching below the horizon
Blue grey black in the air
The flashlight path
Turns magical
With a scattering of tiny lights
Diamonds of ice
Starlight fallen to earth
Wonder and redemption
In the bitter cold
- joshua mertz's Shared Poems
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Comments
Michael Mayhew
January 4, 2016
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"the left eye The one that sees poetry"
Love that line.
This one stirs my editing nature. I want the task (get the paper) as a set up, and the "eye that sees poetry" closer to the magical moment of the flashlight beam hitting the ice crystals. In sum, I wonder if you might get more punch with this ordering;
Out in the bitter cold
To get the morning paper
The sun crouching below the horizon
Blue grey black in the air
The bitter cold
And the things lost
The time dribbled through fingers that
Dream of tomorrow
Instead of clasping now
To the bone and the muscle
And the left eye
The one that sees poetry
The flashlight path
Turns magical
With a scattering of tiny lights
Diamonds of ice
Starlight fallen to earth
Wonder and redemption
In the bitter cold